Welcome to week TWO!

Hi everyone, I’m Terilynn and I’m back to take on some more of the basics of story-telling for Foundry!

For those of you who have listened to Havrava, NemesisChiken, Altexist and me on PodcastUGC, you no doubt have heard me “nit-pick” over dialogue that I read in UGC missions that I’ve played.

Creating a believable dialogue in the Star Trek universe isn’t as easy as you might think, and I hope I can help you when creating dialogue between NPCs and the player’s character.

To that end, I have come up with a few tips to help place you in a better frame of mind when writing dialogue for NPCs:

VOICE

What do I mean by “voice”? Well, in this context, I mean the “attitude” of the speaking NPC.

Don’t forget that Starfleet is, for all intents and purposes, a paramilitary organization. As such, there is a set-in-stone formality to how anyone would be addressed in a professional setting.

The player’s character regardless of actual rank, is a CAPTAIN of a Starfleet vessel, and as such, has a crew under his/her command. Having an NPC address the player’s character by his/her first name would be an extreme rarity.

I suggest avoiding having any bridge officer ever address their CO as anything other than Captain. It’s a “cover-all” and technically correct, but it will help you avoid breaking the immersion for the player who has chosen to undertake your mission.

If you need any proof of how the rank and file treat their superiors in the Trek universe watch any episode from a Trek show and listen to how they speak to one another while on the bridge or during an away mission and you’ll quickly see what I mean.

Spock and Riker ALWAYS addressed Kirk and Picard as “Captain.” Janeway asked to be referred to as “Captain.”

Spock only calls Kirk “Jim” when they’re out of earshot of the rest of the crew or are on personal leave together. Yes, McCoy calls Kirk “Jim” all the time – but McCoy was written as a very different character who answers to a different code.

I rarely remember a time Riker ever called Picard “Jean-Luc”; and for as close as Trip and Archer were – Trip always called Archer “Cap’n.” Always.

As a Foundry mission writer, you cannot presume that your player’s Boffs would have any such relationship with the player’s captain. So – stick to the high road – use formal, military courtesy when writing dialogue of an NPC who is in Starfleet.

They’re pros – let them sound like it!

SPECIES

Another problem with “attitude” I’ve seen in UGC missions is dialogue that comes from a Starfleet NPC that contains overt excitement, aggression, fear and/or humor. Now, in any other sci-fi world (like NuBSG where all the good guys are human) that might be totally acceptable; but you’re writing in a Star Trek universe and since day one, Star Trek is made of tales of the people of Starfleet – the exploration and defense wing of the United Federation of Planets.

The UFP has four founding species – Human, Vulcan, Andorian and Tellarite.  By the end of “Star Trek: The Next Generation – First Contact” you are told there are hundreds of member planets and colonies.  In “Star Trek: The Next Generation – Insurrection” you find that the UFP is actively growing by adding member systems at an extraordinary pace due to the the Dominion War.

Star Trek Online occurs decades after “Insurrection” so it would be safe to assume the UFP has grown even more since “Insurrection“;  therefore you can easily expect that your players’ ships will be filled to the brim with non-human characters. I know many, many people – myself included – that do not have a single human in their crew.

So when an NPC says “Oh My God!” , “Oh wow!” or “Holy … “  be prepared to take flak for that in a review because Vulcans simply wouldn’t speak that way, and to be honest in a professional paramilitary setting, a lot of officers – regardless of species – wouldn’t.

Say the NPC’s voice is passive, showing fear or even outright cowardice, and the player’s NPC is an Andorian – it would play counter-to-type and again may possibly ruin the player’s immersion in your tale. If the NPC’s voice is aggressive and angry and the player’s NPC is Vulcan – again, same problem.

Unless you’re creating a completely new NPC that isn’t supposed to be a part of the player’s crew – try to avoid dialogue that might play against any potential species’ type. If you want to play it safe, stick to a more cordial  military style and you can’t go wrong.

GENDER

It should come as no surprise to anyone who plays this game by now (although I think it still does in some cases) – women play this game. There are a LOT of us!

Add on top of that fact – there are a lot of men who play female characters! I myself play several male toons!

Never assume a player is male.

Never.

It pisses me off. It shows a presumptive attitude of the writer and I can assure you – missions can be and will be abandoned for overt sexism.

So don’t have an NPC talk to a player as if he was a man. Ever.

Don’t take that to mean I don’t think you should have an NPC call the captain “Sir.” I happen to think that’s okay. It’s an appropriate term and most women I play with wouldn’t be upset by having themselves referred to as “Sir” as long as it’s done from a respectful military tone.  If you want to avoid it – simply use “Yes Captain” or “No Captain” and all will be right with the universe.

Also, within the meat of your dialogue watch for words which may make presumptions as to the gender of the player’s character. Yesterday I played a beta-test mission that referred to my female character as a “him” and let me tell you – she would have knocked that guy back to cadet if she could have.

So, when it comes to writing dialogue for NPCs,  especially dialogue that is spoken from the player’s bridge officer’s POV,  I recommend sticking to a clean paramilitary style, free from overt references to familiarity, emotion, and gender. Your missions will shine for it as it won’t shake the believability of the dialogue regardless from whom it comes.

Hope these tips help and PLEASE feel free to comment and start a dialogue! Discussions are welcome!!

Terilynn