Destiny Darkly by @Akurie

Sector Map A-1

Nothing major to note.

 

Azura IV

That Ferengi Name,* Facepalm.*

Nice puzzle with the rules of acquisition

The last hostage group has “interact. Should change it to an appropriate response.

 

Sector Map A-2

I recommend spreading out the NPCs at the freighter some.

 

Desert A-1

Add  respawn  point at the “Rescue 6 groups of hostages” objective.

 

Desert A-2

You have a solid and well-built outpost here.

The optional dialogues add to the story.

 

Sector Map A-3

Nothing major to note.

 

Breen Station

Major notes will be added at the end.

Bridge

Nice work on the assimilated parts here.

I’ve noticed the Bible references, are you Christian :)?

 

Overall Thoughts: I was kinda on the fence for this mission. I know this is your first mission and it’s mighty impressive for it being your first. Which is why I will treat it as such, a first mission. However, I did get kinda lost in the story and that may be due to some of the issues I ran into personally. 

Let’s start with combat. I noticed you had many large enemy groups packed together, meaning you would be often fighting more than two or three low level squads at a time. I felt some of these mobs could have been separated more. Had there been more enemy variety, it may not have been so bad. To me, personally, fighting tons of Breen spam can get annoying if packed so closely together. They ended up getting monotonous really fast. This also applies for the space portions too.

The second issue I had trouble with was the “End conversation.” I felt that this kinda took out some of the immersion for me. I would recommend adding appropriate “RP” captain responses instead of text such as that. There was also some usage of the “continue button.” I recommend changing these to captain responses as well to build the immersion.

Now, there were things I found interesting. I like the inclusion of the trivia puzzles for objectives. I also enjoyed some of your scenery work. I felt the Terran ground base was well made. I also noticed your Bible references. I assume you are a Christian denomination, which is cool, I am too. We’ll have to talk in-game hehe.

Overall, I gave this a 5/5 despite some major issues because it is still a VERY WELL put together mission for a 1st timer. If you take these points and apply them to future content and this mission, I think you have a promising foundry career ahead of you.